Reality Sinking In

I'm beginning to carve out a routine here. On the plus this makes me feel more at home. On the other side it makes me realize that I am not returning to my former routine. The one with him in it. I am still hopeful and I do know that I am OK now and will one day be better than OK but in the meantime you can dress it up however you like but when someone breaks up with you it's a rejection and rejection does not feel good. The person I said good morning and good night to no longer wants to greet passing moments with me. The person I kissed everyday no longer wants to kiss me, no longer wants to hold me, see me. I'm not trying to be depressing, just real. I can focus on the sun shining, my amazing family, supportive friends and good health, and I do and will continue to, but a broken heart is just that, broken. When a clock is broken we fix it with tools, skills and time. When a bone is broken we allow it time to heal, with a cast, skills and time. When a heart is broken it must be treated with all of the above. Tools such as movies/music/books to distract us, inspire us, motivate us. A cast such as an environment that surrounds us with love and support filled with people who want to greet passing moments with us, kiss us, hold us, see us, love us. Skills such as leaning on friends who have been there before with a broken heart and listening to their wisdom. Time. Time. Time. Time may be the most important ingredient.

For me there is also balance to consider. I am striving to balance both letting myself feel the sadness, but not getting lost in it. It's important for me to get things done even if I want to spend the day under the covers so I get up, drink my coffee, make the bed, breathe, eat cereal, watch some morning TV, smile, breathe, shred with Jillian, stand on my head, bend forward, surrender, listen to snatum kaur, breathe, sit, breathe, sit, surrender, smile, shower, talk to a friend, call about that job, shower, listen to pop music, breathe, get dressed, pack my bag, walk outside, feel the sun's warmth, breathe, smile, listen to singer-songwriters, enter Spin Cafe, go online, apply for that job, sit, surrender, breathe, and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and that's all we can do, go on because life is a gift and the moment you allow someone to interfere with that knowledge even for a second is the moment you start existing rather than living.